There must have been from six
to eight dozen spoons in the
Brigade, and they marched away
in the shape of a hollow square,
with Dorothy, Billina and Toto
in the center of the square.
Before they had gone very far
Toto knocked over one of the
spoons by wagging his tail, and
then the Captain of the Spoons
told the little dog to be more
careful, or he would be punished.
So Toto was careful, and the
Spoon Brigade moved along with
astonishing swiftness, while
Dorothy really had to walk fast
to keep up with it.
By and by they left the woods
and entered a big clearing, in
which was the Kingdom of Utensia.
Standing all around the clearing
were a good many cookstoves,
ranges and grills, of all sizes
and shapes, and besides these
there were several kitchen cabinets
and cupboards and a few kitchen
tables. These things were crowded
with utensils of all sorts: frying
pans, sauce pans, kettles, forks,
knives, basting and soup spoons,
nutmeg graters, sifters, colanders,
meat saws, flat irons, rolling
pins and many other things of
a like nature.
When the Spoon Brigade appeared
with the prisoners a wild shout
arose and many of the utensils
hopped off their stoves or their
benches and ran crowding around
Dorothy and the hen and the dog.
"Stand back!" cried
the Captain, sternly, and he
led his captives
through the curious throng until
they came before a big range
that stood in the center of the
clearing. Beside this range was
a butcher block upon which lay
a great cleaver with a keen edge.
It rested upon the flat of its
back, its legs were crossed and
it was smoking a long pipe.
"Wake up, your Majesty," said
the Captain. "Here are prisoners."
Hearing this, King Kleaver
sat up and looked at Dorothy
sharply.
"Gristle and fat!" he cried. "Where
did this girl come from?"
"I found her in the forest
and brought her here a prisoner," replied
the Captain.
"Why did you do that?" inquired
the King, puffing his pipe lazily.
"To create some excitement," the
Captain answered. "It is so quiet
here that we are all getting
rusty for want of amusement.
For my part, I prefer to see
stirring times."
"Naturally," returned the cleaver,
with a nod. "I have always said,
Captain, without a bit of irony,
that you are a sterling officer
and a solid citizen, bowled and
polished to a degree. But what
do you expect me to do with these
prisoners?"
"That is for you to decide," declared
the Captain. "You are the King."
"To be sure; to be sure," muttered
the cleaver, musingly. "As you
say, we have had dull times since
the steel and grindstone eloped
and left us. Command my Counselors
and the Royal Courtiers to attend
me, as well as the High Priest
and the Judge. We'll then decide
what can be done."
The Captain saluted and retired
and Dorothy sat down on an overturned
kettle and asked:
"Have you anything
to eat in your kingdom?"
"Here! Get up! Get off from
me!" cried a faint voice, at
which his Majesty the cleaver
said:
"Excuse me,
but you're sitting on my friend
the Ten-quart Kettle."
Dorothy at once arose, and
the kettle turned right side
up and looked at her reproachfully.
"I'm a friend of the King,
so no one dares sit on me," said
he.
"I'd prefer a chair, anyway," she
replied.
"Sit on that hearth," commanded
the King.
So Dorothy sat on the hearth-shelf
of the big range, and the subjects
of Utensia began to gather around
in a large and inquisitive throng.
Toto lay at Dorothy's feet and
Billina flew upon the range,
which had no fire in it, and
perched there as comfortably
as she could.
When all the Counselors and
Courtiers had assembled--and
these seemed to include most
of the inhabitants of the kingdom--the
King rapped on the block for
order and said:
"Friends and
Fellow Utensils! Our worthy
Commander of the Spoon
Brigade, Captain Dipp, has captured
the three prisoners you see before
you and brought them here for--for--I
don't know what for. So I ask
your advice how to act in this
matter, and what fate I should
mete out to these captives. Judge
Sifter, stand on my right. It
is your business to sift this
affair to the bottom. High Priest
Colender, stand on my left and
see that no one testifies falsely
in this matter."
As these two officials took
their places, Dorothy asked:
"Why is the
colander the High Priest?"
"He's the holiest thing we
have in the kingdom," replied
King Kleaver.
"Except me," said a sieve. "I'm
the whole thing when it comes
to holes."
"What we need," remarked the
King, rebukingly, "is a wireless
sieve. I must speak to Marconi
about it. These old-fashioned
sieves talk too much. Now, it
is the duty of the King's Counselors
to counsel the King at all times
of emergency, so I beg you to
speak out and advise me what
to do with these prisoners."
"I demand that they be killed
several times, until they are
dead!" shouted a pepperbox, hopping
around very excitedly.
"Compose yourself, Mr. Paprica," advised
the King. "Your remarks are piquant
and highly-seasoned, but you
need a scattering of commonsense.
It is only necessary to kill
a person once to make him dead;
but I do not see that it is necessary
to kill this little girl at all."
"I don't, either," said
Dorothy.
"Pardon me, but you are not
expected to advise me in this
matter," replied King Kleaver.
"Why not?" asked
Dorothy.
"You might be prejudiced in
your own favor, and so mislead
us," he said. "Now then, good
subjects, who speaks next?"
"I'd like to smooth this thing
over, in some way," said a flatiron,
earnestly. "We are supposed to
be useful to mankind, you know."
"But the girl isn't mankind!
She's womankind!" yelled a corkscrew.
"What do you know about it?" inquired
the King.
"I'm a lawyer," said the corkscrew,
proudly. "I am accustomed to
appear at the bar."
"But you're crooked," retorted
the King, "and that debars you.
You may be a corking good lawyer,
Mr. Popp, but I must ask you
to withdraw your remarks."
"Very well," said the corkscrew,
sadly; "I see I haven't any pull
at this court."
"Permit me," continued the
flatiron, "to press my suit,
your Majesty. I do not wish to
gloss over any fault the prisoner
may have committed, if such a
fault exists; but we owe her
some consideration, and that's
flat!"
"I'd like to hear from Prince
Karver," said the King.
At this a stately carvingknife
stepped forward and bowed.
"The Captain was wrong to bring
this girl here, and she was wrong
to come," he said. "But now that
the foolish deed is done let
us all prove our mettle and have
a slashing good time."
"That's it! that's it!" screamed
a fat choppingknife. "We'll make
mincemeat of the girl and hash
of the chicken and sausage of
the dog!"
There was a shout of approval
at this and the King had to rap
again for order.
"Gentlemen, gentlemen!" he
said, "your remarks are somewhat
cutting and rather disjointed,
as might be expected from such
acute intellects. But you give
me no reasons for your demands."
"See here, Kleaver; you make
me tired," said a saucepan, strutting
before the King very impudently. "You're
about the worst King that ever
reigned in Utensia, and that's
saying a good deal. Why don't
you run things yourself, instead
of asking everybody's advice,
like the big, clumsy idiot you
are?"
The King sighed.
"I wish there wasn't a saucepan
in my kingdom," he said. "You
fellows are always stewing, over
something, and every once in
a while you slop over and make
a mess of it. Go hang yourself,
sir--by the handle--and don't
let me hear from you again."
Dorothy was much shocked by
the dreadful language the utensils
employed, and she thought that
they must have had very little
proper training. So she said,
addressing the King, who seemed
very unfit to rule his turbulent
subjects:
"I wish you'd
decide my fate right away.
I can't stay here
all day, trying to find out what
you're going to do with me."
"This thing is becoming a regular
broil, and it's time I took part
in it," observed a big gridiron,
coming forward.
"What I'd like to know," said
a can-opener, in a shrill voice, "is
why the little girl came to our
forest anyhow and why she intruded
upon Captain Dipp--who ought
to be called Dippy--and who she
is, and where she came from,
and where she is going, and why
and wherefore and therefore and
when."
"I'm sorry to see, Sir Jabber," remarked
the King to the can-opener, "that
you have such a prying disposition.
As a matter of fact, all the
things you mention are none of
our business."
Having said this the King relighted
his pipe, which had gone out.
"Tell me, please, what IS our
business?" inquired a potato-masher,
winking at Dorothy somewhat impertinently. "I'm
fond of little girls, myself,
and it seems to me she has as
much right to wander in the forest
as we have."
"Who accuses the little girl,
anyway?" inquired a rolling-pin. "What
has she done?"
"I don't know," said the King. "What
has she done, Captain Dipp?"
"That's the trouble, your Majesty.
She hasn't done anything," replied
the Captain.
"What do you want me to do?" asked
Dorothy.
This question seemed to puzzle
them all. Finally, a chafingdish,
exclaimed irritably:
"If no one
can throw any light on this
subject you must excuse
me if I go out."
At this, a big kitchen fork
pricked up its ears and said
in a tiny voice:
"Let's hear
from Judge Sifter."
"That's proper," returned
the King.
So Judge Sifter turned around
slowly several times and then
said:
"We have nothing
against the girl except the
stove-hearth
upon which she sits. Therefore
I order her instantly discharged."
"Discharged!" cried Dorothy. "Why,
I never was discharged in my
life, and I don't intend to be.
If it's all the same to you,
I'll resign."
"It's all the same," declared
the King. "You are free--you
and your companions--and may
go wherever you like."
"Thank you," said the little
girl. "But haven't you anything
to eat in your kingdom? I'm hungry."
"Go into the woods and pick
blackberries," advised the King,
lying down upon his back again
and preparing to go to sleep. "There
isn't a morsel to eat in all
Utensia, that I know of."
So Dorothy jumped up and said:
"Come on, Toto
and Billina. If we can't find
the camp, we
may find some blackberries."
The utensils drew back and
allowed them to pass without
protest, although Captain Dipp
marched the Spoon Brigade in
close order after them until
they had reached the edge of
the clearing.
There the spoons halted; but
Dorothy and her companions entered
the forest again and began searching
diligently for a way back to
the camp, that they might rejoin
their party.
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