I ROSE next morning with a feeling
of hopeful exhilaration, in spite
of the disappointments already
experienced; but I found the
dressing of Mary Ann was no light
matter, as her abundant hair
was to be smeared with pomade,
plaited in three long tails,
and tied with bows of ribbon:
a task my unaccustomed fingers
found great difficulty in performing.
She told me her nurse could do
it in half the time, and, by
keeping up a constant fidget
of impatience, contrived to render
me still longer. When all was
done, we went into the schoolroom,
where I met my other pupil, and
chatted with the two till it
was time to go down to breakfast.
That meal being concluded, and
a few civil words having been
exchanged with Mrs. Bloomfield,
we repaired to the schoolroom
again, and commenced the business
of the day. I found my pupils
very backward, indeed; but Tom,
though averse to every species
of mental exertion, was not without
abilities. Mary Ann could scarcely
read a word, and was so careless
and inattentive that I could
hardly get on with her at all.
However, by dint of great labour
and patience, I managed to get
something done in the course
of the morning, and then accompanied
my young charge out into the
garden and adjacent grounds,
for a little recreation before
dinner. There we got along tolerably
together, except that I found
they had no notion of going with
me: I must go with them, wherever
they chose to lead me. I must
run, walk, or stand, exactly
as it suited their fancy. This,
I thought, was reversing the
order of things; and I found
it doubly disagreeable, as on
this as well as subsequent occasions,
they seemed to prefer the dirtiest
places and the most dismal occupations.
But there was no remedy; either
I must follow them, or keep entirely
apart from them, and thus appear
neglectful of my charge. To-day,
they manifested a particular
attachment to a well at the bottom
of the lawn, where they persisted
in dabbling with sticks and pebbles
for above half an hour. I was
in constant fear that their mother
would see them from the window,
and blame me for allowing them
thus to draggle their clothes
and wet their feet and hands,
instead of taking exercise; but
no arguments, commands, or entreaties
could draw them away. If SHE
did not see them, some one else
did - a gentleman on horseback
had entered the gate and was
proceeding up the road; at the
distance of a few paces from
us he paused, and calling to
the children in a waspish penetrating
tone, bade them 'keep out of
that water.' 'Miss Grey,' said
he, '(I suppose it IS Miss Grey),
I am surprised that you should
allow them to dirty their clothes
in that manner! Don't you see
how Miss Bloomfield has soiled
her frock? and that Master Bloomfield's
socks are quite wet? and both
of them without gloves? Dear,
dear! Let me REQUEST that in
future you will keep them DECENT
at least!' so saying, he turned
away, and continued his ride
up to the house. This was Mr.
Bloomfield. I was surprised that
he should nominate his children
Master and Miss Bloomfield; and
still more so, that he should
speak so uncivilly to me, their
governess, and a perfect stranger
to himself. Presently the bell
rang to summon us in. I dined
with the children at one, while
he and his lady took their luncheon
at the same table. His conduct
there did not greatly raise him
in my estimation. He was a man
of ordinary stature - rather
below than above - and rather
thin than stout, apparently between
thirty and forty years of age:
he had a large mouth, pale, dingy
complexion, milky blue eyes,
and hair the colour of a hempen
cord. There was a roast leg of
mutton before him: he helped
Mrs. Bloomfield, the children,
and me, desiring me to cut up
the children's meat; then, after
twisting about the mutton in
various directions, and eyeing
it from different points, he
pronounced it not fit to be eaten,
and called for the cold beef.
'What is the matter with the
mutton, my dear?' asked his mate.
'It is quite overdone. Don't
you taste, Mrs. Bloomfield, that
all the goodness is roasted out
of it? And can't you see that
all that nice, red gravy is completely
dried away?'
'Well, I think the BEEF will
suit you.'
The beef was set before him,
and he began to carve, but with
the most rueful expressions of
discontent.
'What is the matter with the
BEEF, Mr. Bloomfield? I'm sure
I thought it was very nice.'
'And so it WAS very nice. A
nicer joint could not be; but
it is QUITE spoiled,' replied
he, dolefully.
'How so?'
'How so! Why, don't you see
how it is cut? Dear - dear! it
is quite shocking!'
'They must have cut it wrong
in the kitchen, then, for I'm
sure I carved it quite properly
here, yesterday.'
'No DOUBT they cut it wrong
in the kitchen - the savages!
Dear - dear! Did ever any one
see such a fine piece of beef
so completely ruined? But remember
that, in future, when a decent
dish leaves this table, they
shall not TOUCH it in the kitchen.
Remember THAT, Mrs. Bloomfield!'
Notwithstanding the ruinous
state of the beef, the gentleman
managed to out himself some delicate
slices, part of which he ate
in silence. When he next spoke,
it was, in a less querulous tone,
to ask what there was for dinner.
'Turkey and grouse,' was the
concise reply.
'And what besides?'
'Fish.'
'What kind of fish?'
'I don't know.'
'YOU DON'T KNOW?' cried he,
looking solemnly up from his
plate, and suspending his knife
and fork in astonishment.
'No. I told the cook to get
some fish - I did not particularize
what.'
'Well, that beats everything!
A lady professes to keep house,
and doesn't even know what fish
is for dinner! professes to order
fish, and doesn't specify what!'
'Perhaps, Mr. Bloomfield, you
will order dinner yourself in
future.'
Nothing more was said; and
I was very glad to get out of
the room with my pupils; for
I never felt so ashamed and uncomfortable
in my life for anything that
was not my own fault.
In the afternoon we applied
to lessons again: then went out
again; then had tea in the schoolroom;
then I dressed Mary Ann for dessert;
and when she and her brother
had gone down to the dining-
room, I took the opportunity
of beginning a letter to my dear
friends at home: but the children
came up before I had half completed
it. At seven I had to put Mary
Ann to bed; then I played with
Tom till eight, when he, too,
went; and I finished my letter
and unpacked my clothes, which
I had hitherto found no opportunity
for doing, and, finally, went
to bed myself.
But this is a very favourable
specimen of a day's proceedings.
My task of instruction and
surveillance, instead of becoming
easier as my charges and I got
better accustomed to each other,
became more arduous as their
characters unfolded. The name
of governess, I soon found, was
a mere mockery as applied to
me: my pupils had no more notion
of obedience than a wild, unbroken
colt. The habitual fear of their
father's peevish temper, and
the dread of the punishments
he was wont to inflict when irritated,
kept them generally within bounds
in his immediate presence. The
girls, too, had some fear of
their mother's anger; and the
boy might occasionally be bribed
to do as she bid him by the hope
of reward; but I had no rewards
to offer; and as for punishments,
I was given to understand, the
parents reserved that privilege
to themselves; and yet they expected
me to keep my pupils in order.
Other children might be guided
by the fear of anger and the
desire of approbation; but neither
the one nor the other had any
effect upon these.
Master Tom, not content with
refusing to be ruled, must needs
set up as a ruler, and manifested
a determination to keep, not
only his sisters, but his governess
in order, by violent manual and
pedal applications; and, as he
was a tall, strong boy of his
years, this occasioned no trifling
inconvenience. A few sound boxes
on the ear, on such occasions,
might have settled the matter
easily enough: but as, in that
case, he might make up some story
to his mother which she would
be sure to believe, as she had
such unshaken faith in his veracity
- though I had already discovered
it to be by no means unimpeachable
- I determined to refrain from
striking him, even in self-defence;
and, in his most violent moods,
my only resource was to throw
him on his back and hold his
hands and feet till the frenzy
was somewhat abated. To the difficulty
of preventing him from doing
what he ought not, was added
that of forcing him to do what
he ought. Often he would positively
refuse to learn, or to repeat
his lessons, or even to look
at his book. Here, again, a good
birch rod might have been serviceable;
but, as my powers were so limited,
I must make the best use of what
I had.
As there were no settled hours
for study and play, I resolved
to give my pupils a certain task,
which, with moderate attention,
they could perform in a short
time; and till this was done,
however weary I was, or however
perverse they might be, nothing
short of parental interference
should induce me to suffer them
to leave the schoolroom, even
if I should sit with my chair
against the door to keep them
in. Patience, Firmness, and Perseverance
were my only weapons; and these
I resolved to use to the utmost.
I determined always strictly
to fulfil the threats and promises
I made; and, to that end, I must
be cautious to threaten and promise
nothing that I could not perform.
Then, I would carefully refrain
from all useless irritability
and indulgence of my own ill-temper:
when they behaved tolerably,
I would be as kind and obliging
as it was in my power to be,
in order to make the widest possible
distinction between good and
bad conduct; I would reason with
them, too, in the simplest and
most effective manner. When I
reproved them, or refused to
gratify their wishes, after a
glaring fault, it should be more
in sorrow than in anger: their
little hymns and prayers I would
make plain and clear to their
understanding; when they said
their prayers at night and asked
pardon for their offences, I
would remind them of the sins
of the past day, solemnly, but
in perfect kindness, to avoid
raising a spirit of opposition;
penitential hymns should be said
by the naughty, cheerful ones
by the comparatively good; and
every kind of instruction I would
convey to them, as much as possible,
by entertaining discourse - apparently
with no other object than their
present amusement in view.
By these means I hoped in time
both to benefit the children
and to gain the approbation of
their parents; and also to convince
my friends at home that I was
not so wanting in skill and prudence
as they supposed. I knew the
difficulties I had to contend
with were great; but I knew (at
least I believed) unremitting
patience and perseverance could
overcome them; and night and
morning I implored Divine assistance
to this end. But either the children
were so incorrigible, the parents
so unreasonable, or myself so
mistaken in my views, or so unable
to carry them out, that my best
intentions and most strenuous
efforts seemed productive of
no better result than sport to
the children, dissatisfaction
to their parents, and torment
to myself.
The task of instruction was
as arduous for the body as the
mind. I had to run after my pupils
to catch them, to carry or drag
them to the table, and often
forcibly to hold them there till
the lesson was done. Tom I frequently
put into a corner, seating myself
before him in a chair, with a
book which contained the little
task that must be said or read,
before he was released, in my
hand. He was not strong enough
to push both me and the chair
away, so he would stand twisting
his body and face into the most
grotesque and singular contortions
- laughable, no doubt, to an
unconcerned spectator, but not
to me - and uttering loud yells
and doleful outcries, intended
to represent weeping but wholly
without the accompaniment of
tears. I knew this was done solely
for the purpose of annoying me;
and, therefore, however I might
inwardly tremble with impatience
and irritation, I manfully strove
to suppress all visible signs
of molestation, and affected
to sit with calm indifference,
waiting till it should please
him to cease this pastime, and
prepare for a run in the garden,
by casting his eye on the book
and reading or repeating the
few words he was required to
say. Sometimes he was determined
to do his writing badly; and
I had to hold his hand to prevent
him from purposely blotting or
disfiguring the paper. Frequently
I threatened that, if he did
not do better, he should have
another line: then he would stubbornly
refuse to write this line; and
I, to save my word, had finally
to resort to the expedient of
holding his fingers upon the
pen, and forcibly drawing his
hand up and down, till, in spite
of his resistance, the line was
in some sort completed.
Yet Tom was by no means the
most unmanageable of my pupils:
sometimes, to my great joy, he
would have the sense to see that
his wisest policy was to finish
his tasks, and go out and amuse
himself till I and his sisters
came to join him; which frequently
was not at all, for Mary Ann
seldom followed his example in
this particular: she apparently
preferred rolling on the floor
to any other amusement: down
she would drop like a leaden
weight; and when I, with great
difficulty, had succeeded in
rooting her thence, I had still
to hold her up with one arm,
while with the other I held the
book from which she was to read
or spell her lesson. As the dead
weight of the big girl of six
became too heavy for one arm
to bear, I transferred it to
the other; or, if both were weary
of the burden, I carried her
into a corner, and told her she
might come out when she should
find the use of her feet, and
stand up: but she generally preferred
lying there like a log till dinner
or teatime, when, as I could
not deprive her of her meals,
she must be liberated, and would
come crawling out with a grin
of triumph on her round, red
face. Often she would stubbornly
refuse to pronounce some particular
word in her lesson; and now I
regret the lost labour I have
had in striving to conquer her
obstinacy. If I had passed it
over as a matter of no consequence,
it would have been better for
both parties, than vainly striving
to overcome it as I did; but
I thought it my absolute duty
to crush this vicious tendency
in the bud: and so it was, if
I could have done it; and had
my powers been less limited,
I might have enforced obedience;
but, as it was, it was a trial
of strength between her and me,
in which she generally came off
victorious; and every victory
served to encourage and strengthen
her for a future contest. In
vain I argued, coaxed, entreated,
threatened, scolded; in vain
I kept her in from play, or,
if obliged to take her out, refused
to play with her, or to speak
kindly or have anything to do
with her; in vain I tried to
set before her the advantages
of doing as she was bid, and
being loved, and kindly treated
in consequence, and the disadvantages
of persisting in her absurd perversity.
Sometimes, when she would ask
me to do something for her, I
would answer, - 'Yes, I will,
Mary Ann, if you will only say
that word. Come! you'd better
say it at once, and have no more
trouble about it.'
'No.'
'Then, of course, I can do
nothing for you.'
With me, at her age, or under,
neglect and disgrace were the
most dreadful of punishments;
but on her they made no impression.
Sometimes, exasperated to the
utmost pitch, I would shake her
violently by the shoulder, or
pull her long hair, or put her
in the corner; for which she
punished me with loud, shrill,
piercing screams, that went through
my head like a knife. She knew
I hated this, and when she had
shrieked her utmost, would look
into my face with an air of vindictive
satisfaction, exclaiming, - 'NOW,
then! THAT'S for you!' and then
shriek again and again, till
I was forced to stop my ears.
Often these dreadful cries would
bring Mrs. Bloomfield up to inquire
what was the matter?
'Mary Ann is a naughty girl,
ma'am.'
'But what are these shocking
screams?'
'She is screaming in a passion.'
'I never heard such a dreadful
noise! You might be killing her.
Why is she not out with her brother?'
'I cannot get her to finish
her lessons.'
'But Mary Ann must be a GOOD
girl, and finish her lessons.'
This was blandly spoken to the
child. 'And I hope I shall NEVER
hear such terrible cries again!'
And fixing her cold, stony
eyes upon me with a look that
could not be mistaken, she would
shut the door, and walk away.
Sometimes I would try to take
the little obstinate creature
by surprise, and casually ask
her the word while she was thinking
of something else; frequently
she would begin to say it, and
then suddenly cheek herself,
with a provoking look that seemed
to say, 'Ah! I'm too sharp for
you; you shan't trick it out
of me, either.'
On another occasion, I pretended
to forget the whole affair; and
talked and played with her as
usual, till night, when I put
her to bed; then bending over
her, while she lay all smiles
and good humour, just before
departing, I said, as cheerfully
and kindly as before - 'Now,
Mary Ann, just tell me that word
before I kiss you good-night.
You are a good girl now, and,
of course, you will say it.'
'No, I won't.'
'Then I can't kiss you.'
'Well, I don't care.'
In vain I expressed my sorrow;
in vain I lingered for some symptom
of contrition; she really 'didn't
care,' and I left her alone,
and in darkness, wondering most
of all at this last proof of
insensate stubbornness. In MY
childhood I could not imagine
a more afflictive punishment
than for my mother to refuse
to kiss me at night: the very
idea was terrible. More than
the idea I never felt, for, happily,
I never committed a fault that
was deemed worthy of such penalty;
but once I remember, for some
transgression of my sister's,
our mother thought proper to
inflict it upon her: what SHE
felt, I cannot tell; but my sympathetic
tears and suffering for her sake
I shall not soon forget.
Another troublesome trait in
Mary Ann was her incorrigible
propensity to keep running into
the nursery, to play with her
little sisters and the nurse.
This was natural enough, but,
as it was against her mother's
express desire, I, of course,
forbade her to do so, and did
my utmost to keep her with me;
but that only increased her relish
for the nursery, and the more
I strove to keep her out of it,
the oftener she went, and the
longer she stayed, to the great
dissatisfaction of Mrs. Bloomfield,
who, I well knew, would impute
all the blame of the matter to
me. Another of my trials was
the dressing in the morning:
at one time she would not be
washed; at another she would
not be dressed, unless she might
wear some particular frock, that
I knew her mother would not like
her to have; at another she would
scream and run away if I attempted
to touch her hair. So that, frequently,
when, after much trouble and
toil, I had, at length, succeeded
in bringing her down, the breakfast
was nearly half over; and black
looks from 'mamma,' and testy
observations from 'papa,' spoken
at me, if not to me, were sure
to be my meed: for few things
irritated the latter so much
as want of punctuality at meal
times. Then, among the minor
annoyances, was my inability
to satisfy Mrs. Bloomfield with
her daughter's dress; and the
child's hair 'was never fit to
be seen.' Sometimes, as a powerful
reproach to me, she would perform
the office of tire woman herself,
and then complain bitterly of
the trouble it gave her.
When little Fanny came into
the schoolroom, I hoped she would
be mild and inoffensive, at least;
but a few days, if not a few
hours, sufficed to destroy the
illusion: I found her a mischievous,
intractable little creature,
given up to falsehood and deception,
young as she was, and alarmingly
fond of exercising her two favourite
weapons of offence and defence:
that of spitting in the faces
of those who incurred her displeasure,
and bellowing like a bull when
her unreasonable desires were
not gratified. As she, generally,
was pretty quiet in her parents'
presence, and they were impressed
with the notion of her being
a remarkably gentle child, her
falsehoods were readily believed,
and her loud uproars led them
to suspect harsh and injudicious
treatment on my part; and when,
at length, her bad disposition
became manifest even to their
prejudiced eyes, I felt that
the whole was attributed to me.
'What a naughty girl Fanny
is getting!' Mrs. Bloomfield
would say to her spouse. 'Don't
you observe, my dear, how she
is altered since she entered
the schoolroom? She will soon
be as bad as the other two; and,
I am sorry to say, they have
quite deteriorated of late.'
'You may say that,' was the
answer. 'I've been thinking that
same myself. I thought when we
got them a governess they'd improve;
but, instead of that, they get
worse and worse: I don't know
how it is with their learning,
but their habits, I know, make
no sort of improvement; they
get rougher, and dirtier, and
more unseemly every day.'
I knew this was all pointed
at me; and these, and all similar
innuendoes, affected me far more
deeply than any open accusations
would have done; for against
the latter I should have been
roused to speak in my own defence:
now I judged it my wisest plan
to subdue every resentful impulse,
suppress every sensitive shrinking,
and go on perseveringly, doing
my best; for, irksome as my situation
was, I earnestly wished to retain
it. I thought, if I could struggle
on with unremitting firmness
and integrity, the children would
in time become more humanized:
every month would contribute
to make them some little wiser,
and, consequently, more manageable;
for a child of nine or ten as
frantic and ungovernable as these
at six and seven would be a maniac.
I flattered myself I was benefiting
my parents and sister by my continuance
here; for small as the salary
was, I still was earning something,
and with strict economy I could
easily manage to have something
to spare for them, if they would
favour me by taking it. Then
it was by my own will that I
had got the place: I had brought
all this tribulation on myself,
and I was determined to bear
it; nay, more than that, I did
not even regret the step I had
taken. I longed to show my friends
that, even now, I was competent
to undertake the charge, and
able to acquit myself honourably
to the end; and if ever I felt
it degrading to submit so quietly,
or intolerable to toil so constantly,
I would turn towards my home,
and say within myself -
They may crush, but they shall
not subdue me! 'Tis of thee that
I think, not of them.
About Christmas I was allowed
to visit home; but my holiday
was only of a fortnight's duration:
'For,' said Mrs. Bloomfield,
'I thought, as you had seen your
friends so lately, you would
not care for a longer stay.'
I left her to think so still:
but she little knew how long,
how wearisome those fourteen
weeks of absence had been to
me; how intensely I had longed
for my holidays, how greatly
I was disappointed at their curtailment.
Yet she was not to blame in this.
I had never told her my feelings,
and she could not be expected
to divine them; I had not been
with her a full term, and she
was justified in not allowing
me a full vacation.
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