THE 31st of January was a wild,
tempestuous day: there was a
strong north wind, with a continual
storm of snow drifting on the
ground and whirling through the
air. My friends would have had
me delay my departure, but fearful
of prejudicing my employers against
me by such want of punctuality
at the commencement of my undertaking,
I persisted in keeping the appointment.
I will not inflict upon my
readers an account of my leaving
home on that dark winter morning:
the fond farewells, the long,
long journey to O-, the solitary
waitings in inns for coaches
or trains - for there were some
railways then - and, finally,
the meeting at O- with Mr. Murray's
servant, who had been sent with
the phaeton to drive me from
thence to Horton Lodge. I will
just state that the heavy snow
had thrown such impediments in
the way of both horses and steam-engines,
that it was dark some hours before
I reached my journey's end, and
that a most bewildering storm
came on at last, which made the
few miles' space between O- and
Horton Lodge a long and formidable
passage. I sat resigned, with
the cold, sharp snow drifting
through my veil and filling my
lap, seeing nothing, and wondering
how the unfortunate horse and
driver could make their way even
as well as they did; and indeed
it was but a toilsome, creeping
style of progression, to say
the best of it. At length we
paused; and, at the call of the
driver, someone unlatched and
rolled back upon their creaking
hinges what appeared to be the
park gates. Then we proceeded
along a smoother road, whence,
occasionally, I perceived some
huge, hoary mass gleaming through
the darkness, which I took to
be a portion of a snow-clad tree.
After a considerable time we
paused again, before the stately
portico of a large house with
long windows descending to the
ground.
I rose with some difficulty
from under the superincumbent
snowdrift, and alighted from
the carriage, expecting that
a kind and hospitable reception
would indemnify me for the toils
and hardships of the day. A gentleman
person in black opened the door,
and admitted me into a spacious
hall, lighted by an amber-coloured
lamp suspended from the ceiling;
he led me through this, along
a passage, and opening the door
of a back room, told me that
was the schoolroom. I entered,
and found two young ladies and
two young gentlemen - my future
pupils, I supposed. After a formal
greeting, the elder girl, who
was trifling over a piece of
canvas and a basket of German
wools, asked if I should like
to go upstairs. I replied in
the affirmative, of course.
'Matilda, take a candle, and
show her her room,' said she.
Miss Matilda,
a strapping hoyden of about
fourteen, with a short
frock and trousers, shrugged
her shoulders and made a slight
grimace, but took a candle and
proceeded before me up the back
stairs (a long, steep, double
flight), and through a long,
narrow passage, to a small but
tolerably comfortable room. She
then asked me if I would take
some tea or coffee. I was about
to answer No; but remembering
that I had taken nothing since
seven o'clock that morning, and
feeling faint in consequence,
I said I would take a cup of
tea. Saying she would tell 'Brown,'
the young lady departed; and
by the time I had divested myself
of my heavy, wet cloak, shawl,
bonnet, &c., a mincing damsel
came to say the young ladies
desired to know whether I would
take my tea up there or in the
schoolroom. Under the plea of
fatigue I chose to take it there.
She withdrew; and, after a while,
returned again with a small tea-tray,
and placed it on the chest of
drawers, which served as a dressing-table.
Having civilly thanked her, I
asked at what time I should be
expected to rise in the morning.
'The young ladies and gentlemen
breakfast at half-past eight,
ma'am,' said she; 'they rise
early; but, as they seldom do
any lessons before breakfast,
I should think it will do if
you rise soon after seven.'
I desired her to be so kind
as to call me at seven, and,
promising to do so, she withdrew.
Then, having broken my long fast
on a cup of tea and a little
thin bread and butter, I sat
down beside the small, smouldering
fire, and amused myself with
a hearty fit of crying; after
which, I said my prayers, and
then, feeling considerably relieved,
began to prepare for bed. Finding
that none of my luggage was brought
up, I instituted a search for
the bell; and failing to discover
any signs of such a convenience
in any corner of the room, I
took my candle and ventured through
the long passage, and down the
steep stairs, on a voyage of
discovery. Meeting a well-dressed
female on the way, I told her
what I wanted; but not without
considerable hesitation, as I
was not quite sure whether it
was one of the upper servants,
or Mrs. Murray herself: it happened,
however, to be the lady's-maid.
With the air of one conferring
an unusual favour, she vouchsafed
to undertake the sending up of
my things; and when I had re-entered
my room, and waited and wondered
a long time (greatly fearing
that she had forgotten or neglected
to perform her promise, and doubting
whether to keep waiting or go
to bed, or go down again), my
hopes, at length, were revived
by the sound of voices and laughter,
accompanied by the tramp of feet
along the passage; and presently
the luggage was brought in by
a rough-looking maid and a man,
neither of them very respectful
in their demeanour to me. Having
shut the door upon their retiring
footsteps, and unpacked a few
of my things, I betook myself
to rest; gladly enough, for I
was weary in body and mind.
It was with a strange feeling
of desolation, mingled with a
strong sense of the novelty of
my situation, and a joyless kind
of curiosity concerning what
was yet unknown, that I awoke
the next morning; feeling like
one whirled away by enchantment,
and suddenly dropped from the
clouds into a remote and unknown
land, widely and completely isolated
from all he had ever seen or
known before; or like a thistle-seed
borne on the wind to some strange
nook of uncongenial soil, where
it must lie long enough before
it can take root and germinate,
extracting nourishment from what
appears so alien to its nature:
if, indeed, it ever can. But
this gives no proper idea of
my feelings at all; and no one
that has not lived such a retired,
stationary life as mine, can
possibly imagine what they were:
hardly even if he has known what
it is to awake some morning,
and find himself in Port Nelson,
in New Zealand, with a world
of waters between himself and
all that knew him.
I shall not soon forget the
peculiar feeling with which I
raised my blind and looked out
upon the unknown world: a wide,
white wilderness was all that
met my gaze; a waste of
Deserts tossed in snow, And
heavy laden groves.
I descended
to the schoolroom with no remarkable
eagerness
to join my pupils, though not
without some feeling of curiosity
respecting what a further acquaintance
would reveal. One thing, among
others of more obvious importance,
I determined with myself - I
must begin with calling them
Miss and Master. It seemed to
me a chilling and unnatural piece
of punctilio between the children
of a family and their instructor
and daily companion; especially
where the former were in their
early childhood, as at Wellwood
House; but even there, my calling
the little Bloomfields by their
simple names had been regarded
as an offensive liberty: as their
parents had taken care to show
me, by carefully designating
them MASTER and MISS Bloomfield, &c.,
in speaking to me. I had been
very slow to take the hint, because
the whole affair struck me as
so very absurd; but now I determined
to be wiser, and begin at once
with as much form and ceremony
as any member of the family would
be likely to require: and, indeed,
the children being so much older,
there would be less difficulty;
though the little words Miss
and Master seemed to have a surprising
effect in repressing all familiar,
open-hearted kindness, and extinguishing
every gleam of cordiality that
might arise between us.
As I cannot, like Dogberry,
find it in my heart to bestow
all my tediousness upon the reader,
I will not go on to bore him
with a minute detail of all the
discoveries and proceedings of
this and the following day. No
doubt he will be amply satisfied
with a slight sketch of the different
members of the family, and a
general view of the first year
or two of my sojourn among them.
To begin with the head: Mr.
Murray was, by all accounts,
a blustering, roystering, country
squire: a devoted fox-hunter,
a skilful horse-jockey and farrier,
an active, practical farmer,
and a hearty BON VIVANT. By all
accounts, I say; for, except
on Sundays, when he went to church,
I never saw him from month to
month: unless, in crossing the
hall or walking in the grounds,
the figure of a tall, stout gentleman,
with scarlet cheeks and crimson
nose, happened to come across
me; on which occasions, if he
passed near enough to speak,
an unceremonious nod, accompanied
by a 'Morning, Miss Grey,' or
some such brief salutation, was
usually vouchsafed. Frequently,
indeed, his loud laugh reached
me from afar; and oftener still
I heard him swearing and blaspheming
against the footmen, groom, coachman,
or some other hapless dependant.
Mrs. Murray was a handsome,
dashing lady of forty, who certainly
required neither rouge nor padding
to add to her charms; and whose
chief enjoyments were, or seemed
to be, in giving or frequenting
parties, and in dressing at the
very top of the fashion. I did
not see her till eleven o'clock
on the morning after my arrival;
when she honoured me with a visit,
just as my mother might step
into the kitchen to see a new
servant-girl: yet not so, either,
for my mother would have seen
her immediately after her arrival,
and not waited till the next
day; and, moreover, she would
have addressed her in a more
kind and friendly manner, and
given her some words of comfort
as well as a plain exposition
of her duties; but Mrs. Murray
did neither the one nor the other.
She just stepped into the schoolroom
on her return from ordering dinner
in the housekeeper's room, bade
me good-morning, stood for two
minutes by the fire, said a few
words about the weather and the
'rather rough' journey I must
have had yesterday; petted her
youngest child - a boy of ten
- who had just been wiping his
mouth and hands on her gown,
after indulging in some savoury
morsel from the house- keeper's
store; told me what a sweet,
good boy he was; and then sailed
out, with a self-complacent smile
upon her face: thinking, no doubt,
that she had done quite enough
for the present, and had been
delightfully condescending into
the bargain. Her children evidently
held the same opinion, and I
alone thought otherwise.
After this she looked in upon
me once or twice, during the
absence of my pupils, to enlighten
me concerning my duties towards
them. For the girls she seemed
anxious only to render them as
superficially attractive and
showily accomplished as they
could possibly be made, without
present trouble or discomfort
to themselves; and I was to act
accordingly - to study and strive
to amuse and oblige, instruct,
refine, and polish, with the
least possible exertion on their
part, and no exercise of authority
on mine. With regard to the two
boys, it was much the same; only
instead of accomplishments, I
was to get the greatest possible
quantity of Latin grammar and
Valpy's Delectus into their heads,
in order to fit them for school
- the greatest possible quantity
at least WITHOUT trouble to themselves.
John might be a 'little high-
spirited,' and Charles might
be a little 'nervous and tedious
- '
'But at all events, Miss Grey,'
said she, 'I hope YOU will keep
your temper, and be mild and
patient throughout; especially
with the dear little Charles;
he is so extremely nervous and
susceptible, and so utterly unaccustomed
to anything but the tenderest
treatment. You will excuse my
naming these things to you; for
the fact is, I have hitherto
found all the governesses, even
the very best of them, faulty
in this particular. They wanted
that meek and quiet spirit, which
St. Matthew, or some of them,
says is better than the putting
on of apparel - you will know
the passage to which I allude,
for you are a clergyman's daughter.
But I have no doubt you will
give satisfaction in this respect
as well as the rest. And remember,
on all occasions, when any of
the young people do anything
improper, if persuasion and gentle
remonstrance will not do, let
one of the others come and tell
me; for I can speak to them more
plainly than it would be proper
for you to do. And make them
as happy as you can, Miss Grey,
and I dare say you will do very
well.'
I observed that while Mrs.
Murray was so extremely solicitous
for the comfort and happiness
of her children, and continually
talking about it, she never once
mentioned mine; though they were
at home, surrounded by friends,
and I an alien among strangers;
and I did not yet know enough
of the world, not to be considerably
surprised at this anomaly.
Miss Murray, otherwise Rosalie,
was about sixteen when I came,
and decidedly a very pretty girl;
and in two years longer, as time
more completely developed her
form and added grace to her carriage
and deportment, she became positively
beautiful; and that in no common
degree. She was tall and slender,
yet not thin; perfectly formed,
exquisitely fair, though not
without a brilliant, healthy
bloom; her hair, which she wore
in a profusion of long ringlets,
was of a very light brown inclining
to yellow; her eyes were pale
blue, but so clear and bright
that few would wish them darker;
the rest of her features were
small, not quite regular, and
not remarkably otherwise: but
altogether you could not hesitate
to pronounce her a very lovely
girl. I wish I could say as much
for mind and disposition as I
can for her form and face.
Yet think not I have any dreadful
disclosures to make: she was
lively, light-hearted, and could
be very agreeable, with those
who did not cross her will. Towards
me, when I first came, she was
cold and haughty, then insolent
and overbearing; but, on a further
acquaintance, she gradually laid
aside her airs, and in time became
as deeply attached to me as it
was possible for HER to be to
one of my character and position:
for she seldom lost sight, for
above half an hour at a time,
of the fact of my being a hireling
and a poor curate's daughter.
And yet, upon the whole, I believe
she respected me more than she
herself was aware of; because
I was the only person in the
house who steadily professed
good principles, habitually spoke
the truth, and generally endeavoured
to make inclination bow to duty;
and this I say, not, of course,
in commendation of myself, but
to show the unfortunate state
of the family to which my services
were, for the present, devoted.
There was no member of it in
whom I regretted this sad want
of principle so much as Miss
Murray herself; not only because
she had taken a fancy to me,
but because there was so much
of what was pleasant and prepossessing
in herself, that, in spite of
her failings, I really liked
her - when she did not rouse
my indignation, or ruffle my
temper by TOO great a display
of her faults. These, however,
I would fain persuade myself
were rather the effect of her
education than her disposition:
she had never been perfectly
taught the distinction between
right and wrong; she had, like
her brothers and sisters, been
suffered, from infancy, to tyrannize
over nurses, governesses, and
servants; she had not been taught
to moderate her desires, to control
her temper or bridle her will,
or to sacrifice her own pleasure
for the good of others. Her temper
being naturally good, she was
never violent or morose, but
from constant indulgence, and
habitual scorn of reason, she
was often testy and capricious;
her mind had never been cultivated:
her intellect, at best, was somewhat
shallow; she possessed considerable
vivacity, some quickness of perception,
and some talent for music and
the acquisition of languages,
but till fifteen she had troubled
herself to acquire nothing; -
then the love of display had
roused her faculties, and induced
her to apply herself, but only
to the more showy accomplishments.
And when I came it was the same:
everything was neglected but
French, German, music, singing,
dancing, fancy-work, and a little
drawing - such drawing as might
produce the greatest show with
the smallest labour, and the
principal parts of which were
generally done by me. For music
and singing, besides my occasional
instructions, she had the attendance
of the best master the country
afforded; and in these accomplishments,
as well as in dancing, she certainly
attained great proficiency. To
music, indeed, she devoted too
much of her time, as, governess
though I was, I frequently told
her; but her mother thought that
if SHE liked it, she COULD not
give too much time to the acquisition
of so attractive an art. Of fancy-work
I knew nothing but what I gathered
from my pupil and my own observation;
but no sooner was I initiated,
than she made me useful in twenty
different ways: all the tedious
parts of her work were shifted
on to my shoulders; such as stretching
the frames, stitching in the
canvas, sorting the wools and
silks, putting in the grounds,
counting the stitches, rectifying
mistakes, and finishing the pieces
she was tired of.
At sixteen, Miss Murray was
something of a romp, yet not
more so than is natural and allowable
for a girl of that age, but at
seventeen, that propensity, like
all other things, began to give
way to the ruling passion, and
soon was swallowed up in the
all- absorbing ambition to attract
and dazzle the other sex. But
enough of her: now let us turn
to her sister.
Miss Matilda Murray was a veritable
hoyden, of whom little need be
said. She was about two years
and a half younger than her sister;
her features were larger, her
complexion much darker. She might
possibly make a handsome woman;
but she was far too big-boned
and awkward ever to be called
a pretty girl, and at present
she cared little about it. Rosalie
knew all her charms, and thought
them even greater than they were,
and valued them more highly than
she ought to have done, had they
been three times as great; Matilda
thought she was well enough,
but cared little about the matter;
still less did she care about
the cultivation of her mind,
and the acquisition of ornamental
accomplishments. The manner in
which she learnt her lessons
and practised her music was calculated
to drive any governess to despair.
Short and easy as her tasks were,
if done at all, they were slurred
over, at any time and in any
way; but generally at the least
convenient times, and in the
way least beneficial to herself,
and least satisfactory to me:
the short half-hour of practising
was horribly strummed through;
she, meantime, unsparingly abusing
me, either for interrupting her
with corrections, or for not
rectifying her mistakes before
they were made, or something
equally unreasonable. Once or
twice, I ventured to remonstrate
with her seriously for such irrational
conduct; but on each of those
occasions, I received such reprehensive
expostulations from her mother,
as convinced me that, if I wished
to keep the situation, I must
even let Miss Matilda go on in
her own way.
When her lessons were over,
however, her ill-humour was generally
over too: while riding her spirited
pony, or romping with the dogs
or her brothers and sister, but
especially with her dear brother
John, she was as happy as a lark.
As an animal, Matilda was all
right, full of life, vigour,
and activity; as an intelligent
being, she was barbarously ignorant,
indocile, careless and irrational;
and, consequently, very distressing
to one who had the task of cultivating
her understanding, reforming
her manners, and aiding her to
acquire those ornamental attainments
which, unlike her sister, she
despised as much as the rest.
Her mother was partly aware of
her deficiencies, and gave me
many a lecture as to how I should
try to form her tastes, and endeavour
to rouse and cherish her dormant
vanity; and, by insinuating,
skilful flattery, to win her
attention to the desired objects
- which I would not do; and how
I should prepare and smooth the
path of learning till she could
glide along it without the least
exertion to herself: which I
could not, for nothing can be
taught to any purpose without
some little exertion on the part
of the learner.
As a moral agent, Matilda was
reckless, headstrong, violent,
and unamenable to reason. One
proof of the deplorable state
of her mind was, that from her
father's example she had learned
to swear like a trooper. Her
mother was greatly shocked at
the 'unlady-like trick,' and
wondered 'how she had picked
it up.' 'But you can soon break
her of it, Miss Grey,' said she:
'it is only a habit; and if you
will just gently remind her every
time she does so, I am sure she
will soon lay it aside.' I not
only 'gently reminded' her, I
tried to impress upon her how
wrong it was, and how distressing
to the ears of decent people:
but all in vain: I was only answered
by a careless laugh, and, 'Oh,
Miss Grey, how shocked you are!
I'm so glad!' or, 'Well! I can't
help it; papa shouldn't have
taught me: I learned it all from
him; and maybe a bit from the
coachman.'
Her brother John, ALIAS Master
Murray, was about eleven when
I came: a fine, stout, healthy
boy, frank and good-natured in
the main, and might have been
a decent lad had he been properly
educated; but now he was as rough
as a young bear, boisterous,
unruly, unprincipled, untaught,
unteachable - at least, for a
governess under his mother's
eye. His masters at school might
be able to manage him better
- for to school he was sent,
greatly to my relief, in the
course of a year; in a state,
it is true, of scandalous ignorance
as to Latin, as well as the more
useful though more neglected
things: and this, doubtless,
would all be laid to the account
of his education having been
entrusted to an ignorant female
teacher, who had presumed to
take in hand what she was wholly
incompetent to perform. I was
not delivered from his brother
till full twelve months after,
when he also was despatched in
the same state of disgraceful
ignorance as the former.
Master Charles
was his mother's peculiar darling.
He was little
more than a year younger than
John, but much smaller, paler,
and less active and robust; a
pettish, cowardly, capricious,
selfish little fellow, only active
in doing mischief, and only clever
in inventing falsehoods: not
simply to hide his faults, but,
in mere malicious wantonness,
to bring odium upon others. In
fact, Master Charles was a very
great nuisance to me: it was
a trial of patience to live with
him peaceably; to watch over
him was worse; and to teach him,
or pretend to teach him, was
inconceivable. At ten years old,
he could not read correctly the
easiest line in the simplest
book; and as, according to his
mother's principle, he was to
be told every word, before he
had time to hesitate or examine
its orthography, and never even
to be informed, as a stimulant
to exertion, that other boys
were more forward than he, it
is not surprising that he made
but little progress during the
two years I had charge of his
education. His minute portions
of Latin grammar, &c., were to
be repeated over to him, till
he chose to say he knew them,
and then he was to be helped
to say them; if he made mistakes
in his little easy sums in arithmetic,
they were to be shown him at
once, and the sum done for him,
instead of his being left to
exercise his faculties in finding
them out himself; so that, of
course, he took no pains to avoid
mistakes, but frequently set
down his figures at random, without
any calculation at all.
I did not invariably confine
myself to these rules: it was
against my conscience to do so;
but I seldom could venture to
deviate from them in the slightest
degree, without incurring the
wrath of my little pupil, and
subsequently of his mamma; to
whom he would relate my transgressions
maliciously exaggerated, or adorned
with embellishments of his own;
and often, in consequence, was
I on the point of losing or resigning
my situation. But, for their
sakes at home, I smothered my
pride and suppressed my indignation,
and managed to struggle on till
my little tormentor was despatched
to school; his father declaring
that home education was 'no go;
for him, it was plain; his mother
spoiled him outrageously, and
his governess could make no hand
of him at all.'
A few more observations about
Horton Lodge and its ongoings,
and I have done with dry description
for the present. The house was
a very respectable one; superior
to Mr. Bloomfield's, both in
age, size, and magnificence:
the garden was not so tastefully
laid out; but instead of the
smooth-shaven lawn, the young
trees guarded by palings, the
grove of upstart poplars, and
the plantation of firs, there
was a wide park, stocked with
deer, and beautified by fine
old trees. The surrounding country
itself was pleasant, as far as
fertile fields, flourishing trees,
quiet green lanes, and smiling
hedges with wild-flowers scattered
along their banks, could make
it; but it was depressingly flat
to one born and nurtured among
the rugged hills of -.
We were situated nearly two
miles from the village church,
and, consequently, the family
carriage was put in requisition
every Sunday morning, and sometimes
oftener. Mr. and Mrs. Murray
generally thought it sufficient
to show themselves at church
once in the course of the day;
but frequently the children preferred
going a second time to wandering
about the grounds all the day
with nothing to do. If some of
my pupils chose to walk and take
me with them, it was well for
me; for otherwise my position
in the carriage was to be crushed
into the corner farthest from
the open window, and with my
back to the horses: a position
which invariably made me sick;
and if I were not actually obliged
to leave the church in the middle
of the service, my devotions
were disturbed with a feeling
of languor and sickliness, and
the tormenting fear of its becoming
worse: and a depressing headache
was generally my companion throughout
the day, which would otherwise
have been one of welcome rest,
and holy, calm enjoyment.
'It's very odd, Miss Grey,
that the carriage should always
make you sick: it never makes
ME,' remarked Miss Matilda,
'Nor me either,' said her sister;
'but I dare say it would, if
I sat where she does - such a
nasty, horrid place, Miss Grey;
I wonder how you can bear it!'
'I am obliged to bear it, since
no choice is left me,' - I might
have answered; but in tenderness
for their feelings I only replied,
- 'Oh! it is but a short way,
and if I am not sick in church,
I don't mind it.'
If I were called upon to give
a description of the usual divisions
and arrangements of the day,
I should find it a very difficult
matter. I had all my meals in
the schoolroom with my pupils,
at such times as suited their
fancy: sometimes they would ring
for dinner before it was half
cooked; sometimes they would
keep it waiting on the table
for above an hour, and then be
out of humour because the potatoes
were cold, and the gravy covered
with cakes of solid fat; sometimes
they would have tea at four;
frequently, they would storm
at the servants because it was
not in precisely at five; and
when these orders were obeyed,
by way of encouragement to punctuality,
they would keep it on the table
till seven or eight.
Their hours of study were managed
in much the same way; my judgment
or convenience was never once
consulted. Sometimes Matilda
and John would determine 'to
get all the plaguy business over
before breakfast,' and send the
maid to call me up at half-past
five, without any scruple or
apology; sometimes, I was told
to be ready precisely at six,
and, having dressed in a hurry,
came down to an empty room, and
after waiting a long time in
suspense, discovered that they
had changed their minds, and
were still in bed; or, perhaps,
if it were a fine summer morning,
Brown would come to tell me that
the young ladies and gentlemen
had taken a holiday, and were
gone out; and then I was kept
waiting for breakfast till I
was almost ready to faint: they
having fortified themselves with
something before they went.
Often they would do their lessons
in the open air; which I had
nothing to say against: except
that I frequently caught cold
by sitting on the damp grass,
or from exposure to the evening
dew, or some insidious draught,
which seemed to have no injurious
effect on them. It was quite
right that they should be hardy;
yet, surely, they might have
been taught some consideration
for others who were less so.
But I must not blame them for
what was, perhaps, my own fault;
for I never made any particular
objections to sitting where they
pleased; foolishly choosing to
risk the consequences, rather
than trouble them for my convenience.
Their indecorous manner of doing
their lessons was quite as remarkable
as the caprice displayed in their
choice of time and place. While
receiving my instructions, or
repeating what they had learned,
they would lounge upon the sofa,
lie on the rug, stretch, yawn,
talk to each other, or look out
of the window; whereas, I could
not so much as stir the fire,
or pick up the handkerchief I
had dropped, without being rebuked
for inattention by one of my
pupils, or told that 'mamma would
not like me to be so careless.'
The servants, seeing in what
little estimation the governess
was held by both parents and
children, regulated their behaviour
by the same standard. I have
frequently stood up for them,
at the risk of some injury to
myself, against the tyranny and
injustice of their young masters
and mistresses; and I always
endeavoured to give them as little
trouble as possible: but they
entirely neglected my comfort,
despised my requests, and slighted
my directions. All servants,
I am convinced, would not have
done so; but domestics in general,
being ignorant and little accustomed
to reason and reflection, are
too easily corrupted by the carelessness
and bad example of those above
them; and these, I think, were
not of the best order to begin
with.
I sometimes felt myself degraded
by the life I led, and ashamed
of submitting to so many indignities;
and sometimes I thought myself
a fool for caring so much about
them, and feared I must be sadly
wanting in Christian humility,
or that charity which 'suffereth
long and is kind, seeketh not
her own, is not easily provoked,
beareth all things, endureth
all things.'
But, with time and patience,
matters began to be slightly
ameliorated: slowly, it is true,
and almost imperceptibly; but
I got rid of my male pupils (that
was no trifling advantage), and
the girls, as I intimated before
concerning one of them, became
a little less insolent, and began
to show some symptoms of esteem.
'Miss Grey was a queer creature:
she never flattered, and did
not praise them half enough;
but whenever she did speak favourably
of them, or anything belonging
to them, they could be quite
sure her approbation was sincere.
She was very obliging, quiet,
and peaceable in the main, but
there were some things that put
her out of temper: they did not
much care for that, to be sure,
but still it was better to keep
her in tune; as when she was
in a good humour she would talk
to them, and be very agreeable
and amusing sometimes, in her
way; which was quite different
to mamma's, but still very well
for a change. She had her own
opinions on every subject, and
kept steadily to them - very
tiresome opinions they often
were; as she was always thinking
of what was right and what was
wrong, and had a strange reverence
for matters connected with religion,
and an unaccountable liking to
good people.'
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