`You can't think how glad I
am to see you again, you dear
old thing!' said the Duchess,
as she tucked her arm affectionately
into Alice's, and they walked
off together.
Alice was very glad to find
her in such a pleasant temper,
and thought to herself that perhaps
it was only the pepper that had
made her so savage when they
met in the kitchen.
`When I'M a Duchess,' she said
to herself, (not in a very hopeful
tone though), `I won't have any
pepper in my kitchen AT ALL.
Soup does very well without--Maybe
it's always pepper that makes
people hot-tempered,' she went
on, very much pleased at having
found out a new kind of rule,
`and vinegar that makes them
sour--and camomile that makes
them bitter--and--and barley-sugar
and such things that make children
sweet-tempered. I only wish people
knew that: then they wouldn't
be so stingy about it, you know--'
She had quite forgotten the
Duchess by this time, and was
a little startled when she heard
her voice close to her ear. `You're
thinking about something, my
dear, and that makes you forget
to talk. I can't tell you just
now what the moral of that is,
but I shall remember it in a
bit.'
`Perhaps it hasn't one,' Alice
ventured to remark.
`Tut, tut, child!' said the
Duchess. `Everything's got a
moral, if only you can find it.'
And she squeezed herself up closer
to Alice's side as she spoke.
Alice did not much like keeping
so close to her: first, because
the Duchess was VERY ugly; and
secondly, because she was exactly
the right height to rest her
chin upon Alice's shoulder, and
it was an uncomfortably sharp
chin. However, she did not like
to be rude, so she bore it as
well as she could.
`The game's going on rather
better now,' she said, by way
of keeping up the conversation
a little.
`'Tis so,'
said the Duchess: `and the
moral of that is--"Oh,
'tis love, 'tis love, that makes
the world go round!"'
`Somebody said,' Alice whispered,
`that it's done by everybody
minding their own business!'
`Ah, well!
It means much the same thing,'
said the Duchess,
digging her sharp little chin
into Alice's shoulder as she
added, `and the moral of THAT
is--"Take care of the sense,
and the sounds will take care
of themselves."'
`How fond she is of finding
morals in things!' Alice thought
to herself.
`I dare say you're wondering
why I don't put my arm round
your waist,' the Duchess said
after a pause: `the reason is,
that I'm doubtful about the temper
of your flamingo. Shall I try
the experiment?'
`HE might bite,' Alice cautiously
replied, not feeling at all anxious
to have the experiment tried.
`Very true,'
said the Duchess: `flamingoes
and mustard both
bite. And the moral of that is--"Birds
of a feather flock together."'
`Only mustard isn't a bird,'
Alice remarked.
`Right, as usual,' said the
Duchess: `what a clear way you
have of putting things!'
`It's a mineral, I THINK,'
said Alice.
`Of course
it is,' said the Duchess, who
seemed ready to
agree to everything that Alice
said; `there's a large mustard-mine
near here. And the moral of that
is--"The more there is of mine,
the less there is of yours."'
`Oh, I know!' exclaimed Alice,
who had not attended to this
last remark, `it's a vegetable.
It doesn't look like one, but
it is.'
`I quite agree
with you,' said the Duchess;
`and the moral of
that is--"Be what you would seem
to be"--or if you'd like it put
more simply--"Never imagine yourself
not to be otherwise than what
it might appear to others that
what you were or might have been
was not otherwise than what you
had been would have appeared
to them to be otherwise."'
`I think I should understand
that better,' Alice said very
politely, `if I had it written
down: but I can't quite follow
it as you say it.'
`That's nothing to what I could
say if I chose,' the Duchess
replied, in a pleased tone.
`Pray don't trouble yourself
to say it any longer than that,'
said Alice.
`Oh, don't talk about trouble!'
said the Duchess. `I make you
a present of everything I've
said as yet.'
`A cheap sort of present!'
thought Alice. `I'm glad they
don't give birthday presents
like that!' But she did not venture
to say it out loud.
`Thinking again?' the Duchess
asked, with another dig of her
sharp little chin.
`I've a right to think,' said
Alice sharply, for she was beginning
to feel a little worried.
`Just about as much right,'
said the Duchess, `as pigs have
to fly; and the m--'
But here, to Alice's great
surprise, the Duchess's voice
died away, even in the middle
of her favourite word `moral,'
and the arm that was linked into
hers began to tremble. Alice
looked up, and there stood the
Queen in front of them, with
her arms folded, frowning like
a thunderstorm.
`A fine day, your Majesty!'
the Duchess began in a low, weak
voice.
`Now, I give you fair warning,'
shouted the Queen, stamping on
the ground as she spoke; `either
you or your head must be off,
and that in about half no time!
Take your choice!'
The Duchess took her choice,
and was gone in a moment.
`Let's go on with the game,'
the Queen said to Alice; and
Alice was too much frightened
to say a word, but slowly followed
her back to the croquet-ground.
The other guests had taken
advantage of the Queen's absence,
and were resting in the shade:
however, the moment they saw
her, they hurried back to the
game, the Queen merely remarking
that a moment's delay would cost
them their lives.
All the time they were playing
the Queen never left off quarrelling
with the other players, and shouting
`Off with his head!' or `Off
with her head!' Those whom she
sentenced were taken into custody
by the soldiers, who of course
had to leave off being arches
to do this, so that by the end
of half an hour or so there were
no arches left, and all the players,
except the King, the Queen, and
Alice, were in custody and under
sentence of execution.
Then the Queen left off, quite
out of breath, and said to Alice,
`Have you seen the Mock Turtle
yet?'
`No,' said Alice. `I don't
even know what a Mock Turtle
is.'
`It's the thing Mock Turtle
Soup is made from,' said the
Queen.
`I never saw one, or heard
of one,' said Alice.
`Come on, then,' said the Queen,
`and he shall tell you his history,'
As they walked off together,
Alice heard the King say in a
low voice, to the company generally,
`You are all pardoned.' `Come,
THAT'S a good thing!' she said
to herself, for she had felt
quite unhappy at the number of
executions the Queen had ordered.
They very soon came upon a
Gryphon, lying fast asleep in
the sun. (IF you don't know what
a Gryphon is, look at the picture.)
`Up, lazy thing!' said the Queen,
`and take this young lady to
see the Mock Turtle, and to hear
his history. I must go back and
see after some executions I have
ordered'; and she walked off,
leaving Alice alone with the
Gryphon. Alice did not quite
like the look of the creature,
but on the whole she thought
it would be quite as safe to
stay with it as to go after that
savage Queen: so she waited.
The Gryphon sat up and rubbed
its eyes: then it watched the
Queen till she was out of sight:
then it chuckled. `What fun!'
said the Gryphon, half to itself,
half to Alice.
`What IS the fun?' said Alice.
`Why, SHE,' said the Gryphon.
`It's all her fancy, that: they
never executes nobody, you know.
Come on!'
`Everybody
says "come on!" here,'
thought Alice, as she went slowly
after it: `I never was so ordered
about in all my life, never!'
They had not gone far before
they saw the Mock Turtle in the
distance, sitting sad and lonely
on a little ledge of rock, and,
as they came nearer, Alice could
hear him sighing as if his heart
would break. She pitied him deeply.
`What is his sorrow?' she asked
the Gryphon, and the Gryphon
answered, very nearly in the
same words as before, `It's all
his fancy, that: he hasn't got
no sorrow, you know. Come on!'
So they went up to the Mock
Turtle, who looked at them with
large eyes full of tears, but
said nothing.
`This here young lady,' said
the Gryphon, `she wants for to
know your history, she do.'
`I'll tell it her,' said the
Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow
tone: `sit down, both of you,
and don't speak a word till I've
finished.'
So they sat down, and nobody
spoke for some minutes. Alice
thought to herself, `I don't
see how he can EVEN finish, if
he doesn't begin.' But she waited
patiently.
`Once,' said the Mock Turtle
at last, with a deep sigh, `I
was a real Turtle.'
These words were followed by
a very long silence, broken only
by an occasional exclamation
of `Hjckrrh!' from the Gryphon,
and the constant heavy sobbing
of the Mock Turtle. Alice was
very nearly getting up and saying,
`Thank you, sir, for your interesting
story,' but she could not help
thinking there MUST be more to
come, so she sat still and said
nothing.
`When we were little,' the
Mock Turtle went on at last,
more calmly, though still sobbing
a little now and then, `we went
to school in the sea. The master
was an old Turtle--we used to
call him Tortoise--'
`Why did you call him Tortoise,
if he wasn't one?' Alice asked.
`We called him Tortoise because
he taught us,' said the Mock
Turtle angrily: `really you are
very dull!'
`You ought to be ashamed of
yourself for asking such a simple
question,' added the Gryphon;
and then they both sat silent
and looked at poor Alice, who
felt ready to sink into the earth.
At last the Gryphon said to the
Mock Turtle, `Drive on, old fellow!
Don't be all day about it!' and
he went on in these words:
`Yes, we went to school in
the sea, though you mayn't believe
it--'
`I never said I didn't!' interrupted
Alice.
`You did,' said the Mock Turtle.
`Hold your tongue!' added the
Gryphon, before Alice could speak
again. The Mock Turtle went on.
`We had the best of educations--in
fact, we went to school every
day--'
`I'VE been to a day-school,
too,' said Alice; `you needn't
be so proud as all that.'
`With extras?' asked the Mock
Turtle a little anxiously.
`Yes,' said Alice, `we learned
French and music.'
`And washing?' said the Mock
Turtle.
`Certainly not!' said Alice
indignantly.
`Ah! then yours
wasn't a really good school,'
said the Mock Turtle
in a tone of great relief. `Now
at OURS they had at the end of
the bill, "French, music, AND
WASHING--extra."'
`You couldn't have wanted it
much,' said Alice; `living at
the bottom of the sea.'
`I couldn't afford to learn
it.' said the Mock Turtle with
a sigh. `I only took the regular
course.'
`What was that?' inquired Alice.
`Reeling and Writhing, of course,
to begin with,' the Mock Turtle
replied; `and then the different
branches of Arithmetic-- Ambition,
Distraction, Uglification, and
Derision.'
`I never heard
of "Uglification,"'
Alice ventured to say. `What
is it?'
The Gryphon lifted up both
its paws in surprise. `What!
Never heard of uglifying!' it
exclaimed. `You know what to
beautify is, I suppose?'
`Yes,' said Alice doubtfully:
`it means--to--make--anything--
prettier.'
`Well, then,' the Gryphon went
on, `if you don't know what to
uglify is, you ARE a simpleton.'
Alice did not feel encouraged
to ask any more questions about
it, so she turned to the Mock
Turtle, and said `What else had
you to learn?'
`Well, there was Mystery,'
the Mock Turtle replied, counting
off the subjects on his flappers,
`--Mystery, ancient and modern,
with Seaography: then Drawling--the
Drawling-master was an old conger-eel,
that used to come once a week:
HE taught us Drawling, Stretching,
and Fainting in Coils.'
`What was THAT like?' said
Alice.
`Well, I can't show it you
myself,' the Mock Turtle said:
`I'm too stiff. And the Gryphon
never learnt it.'
`Hadn't time,' said the Gryphon:
`I went to the Classics master,
though. He was an old crab, HE
was.'
`I never went to him,' the
Mock Turtle said with a sigh:
`he taught Laughing and Grief,
they used to say.'
`So he did, so he did,' said
the Gryphon, sighing in his turn;
and both creatures hid their
faces in their paws.
`And how many hours a day did
you do lessons?' said Alice,
in a hurry to change the subject.
`Ten hours the first day,'
said the Mock Turtle: `nine the
next, and so on.'
`What a curious plan!' exclaimed
Alice.
`That's the reason they're
called lessons,' the Gryphon
remarked: `because they lessen
from day to day.'
This was quite a new idea to
Alice, and she thought it over
a little before she made her
next remark. `Then the eleventh
day must have been a holiday?'
`Of course it was,' said the
Mock Turtle.
`And how did you manage on
the twelfth?' Alice went on eagerly.
`That's enough about lessons,'
the Gryphon interrupted in a
very decided tone: `tell her
something about the games now.'
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