I PAID three pennies for my
breakfast, and a most extravagant
price it was, too, seeing that
one could have breakfasted a
dozen persons for that money;
but I was feeling good by this
time, and I had always been a
kind of spendthrift anyway; and
then these people had wanted
to give me the food for nothing,
scant as their provision was,
and so it was a grateful pleasure
to emphasize my appreciation
and sincere thankfulness with
a good big financial lift where
the money would do so much more
good than it would in my helmet,
where, these pennies being made
of iron and not stinted in weight,
my half-dollar's worth was a
good deal of a burden to me.
I spent money rather too freely
in those days, it is true; but
one reason for it was that I
hadn't got the proportions of
things entirely adjusted, even
yet, after so long a sojourn
in Britain -- hadn't got along
to where I was able to absolutely
realize that a penny in Arthur's
land and a couple of dollars
in Connecticut were about one
and the same thing: just twins,
as you may say, in purchasing
power. If my start from Camelot
could have been delayed a very
few days I could have paid these
people in beautiful new coins
from our own mint, and that would
have pleased me; and them, too,
not less. I had adopted the American
values exclusively. In a week
or two now, cents, nickels, dimes,
quarters, and half-dollars, and
also a trifle of gold, would
be trickling in thin but steady
streams all through the commercial
veins of the kingdom, and I looked
to see this new blood freshen
up
its life.
The farmers were bound to throw
in something, to sort of offset
my liberality, whether I would
or no; so I let them give me
a flint and steel; and as soon
as they had comfortably bestowed
Sandy and me on our horse, I
lit my pipe. When the first blast
of smoke shot out through the
bars of my helmet, all those
people broke for the woods, and
Sandy went over backwards and
struck the ground with a dull
thud. They thought I was one
of those fire-belching dragons
they had heard so much about
from knights and other professional
liars. I had infinite trouble
to persuade those people to venture
back within explaining distance.
Then I told them that this was
only a bit of enchantment which
would work harm to none but my
enemies. And I promised, with
my hand on my heart, that if
all who felt no enmity toward
me would come forward and pass
before me they should see that
only those who remained behind
would be struck dead. The procession
moved with a good deal of promptness.
There were no casualties to report,
for nobody had curiosity enough
to remain behind to see what
would happen.
I lost some time, now, for
these big children, their fears
gone, became so ravished with
wonder over my awe-compelling
fireworks that I had to stay
there and smoke a couple of pipes
out before they would let me
go. Still the delay was not wholly
unproductive, for it took all
that time to get Sandy thoroughly
wonted to the new thing, she
being so close to it, you know.
It plugged up her conversation
mill, too, for a considerable
while, and that was a gain. But
above all other benefits accruing,
I had learned something. I was
ready for any giant or any ogre
that might come along, now.
We tarried with a holy hermit,
that night, and my opportunity
came about the middle of the
next afternoon. We were crossing
a vast meadow by way of short-cut,
and I was musing absently, hearing
nothing, seeing nothing, when
Sandy suddenly interrupted a
remark which she had begun that
morning, with the cry:
"Defend thee,
lord! -- peril of life is toward!"
And she slipped down from the
horse and ran a little way and
stood. I looked up and saw, far
off in the shade of a tree, half
a dozen armed knights and their
squires; and straightway there
was bustle among them and tightening
of saddle-girths for the mount.
My pipe was ready and would have
been lit, if I had not been lost
in thinking about how to banish
oppression from this land and
restore to all its people their
stolen rights and manhood without
disobliging anybody. I lit up
at once, and by the time I had
got a good head of reserved steam
on, here they came. All together,
too; none of those chivalrous
magnanimities which one reads
so much about -- one courtly
rascal at a time, and the rest
standing by to see fair play.
No, they came in a body, they
came with a whirr and a rush,
they came like a volley from
a battery; came with heads low
down, plumes streaming out behind,
lances advanced at a level. It
was a handsome sight, a beautiful
sight -- for a man up a tree.
I laid my lance in rest and waited,
with my heart beating, till the
iron wave was just ready to break
over me, then spouted a column
of white smoke through the bars
of my helmet. You should have
seen the wave go to pieces and
scatter! This was a finer sight
than the other one.
But these people stopped, two
or three hundred yards away,
and this troubled me. My satisfaction
collapsed, and fear came; I judged
I was a lost man. But Sandy was
radiant; and was going to be
eloquent -- but I stopped her,
and told her my magic had miscarried,
somehow or other, and she must
mount, with all despatch, and
we must ride for life. No, she
wouldn't. She said that my enchantment
had disabled those knights; they
were not riding on, because they
couldn't; wait, they would drop
out of their saddles presently,
and we would get their horses
and harness. I could not deceive
such trusting simplicity, so
I said it was a mistake; that
when my fireworks killed at all,
they killed instantly; no, the
men would not die, there was
something wrong about my apparatus,
I couldn't tell what; but we
must hurry and get away, for
those people would attack us
again, in a minute. Sandy laughed,
and said:
"Lack-a-day,
sir, they be not of that breed!
Sir Launcelot
will give battle to dragons,
and will abide by them, and will
assail them again, and yet again,
and still again, until he do
conquer and destroy them; and
so likewise will Sir Pellinore
and Sir Aglovale and Sir Carados,
and mayhap others, but there
be none else that will venture
it, let the idle say what the
idle will. And, la, as to yonder
base rufflers, think ye they
have not their fill, but yet
desire more?"
"Well, then,
what are they waiting for?
Why don't they leave?
Nobody's hindering. Good land,
I'm willing to let bygones be
bygones, I'm sure."
"Leave, is
it? Oh, give thyself easement
as to that. They dream
not of it, no, not they. They
wait to yield them."
"Come -- really,
is that 'sooth' -- as you people
say? If they
want to, why don't they?"
"It would like
them much; but an ye wot how
dragons are esteemed,
ye would not hold them blamable.
They fear to come."
"Well, then,
suppose I go to them instead,
and --"
"Ah, wit ye
well they would not abide your
coming. I will
go."
And she did.
She was a handy person to have
along on a raid.
I would have considered this
a doubtful errand, myself. I
presently saw the knights riding
away, and Sandy coming back.
That was a relief. I judged she
had somehow failed to get the
first innings -- I mean in the
conversation; otherwise the interview
wouldn't have been so short.
But it turned out that she had
managed the business well; in
fact, admirably. She said that
when she told those people I
was The Boss, it hit them where
they lived: "smote them sore
with fear and dread" was her
word; and then they were ready
to put up with anything she might
require. So she swore them to
appear at Arthur's court within
two days and yield them, with
horse and harness, and be my
knights henceforth, and subject
to my command. How much better
she managed that thing than I
should have done it myself! She
was a daisy. |