AND so I'm proprietor
of some knights," said I, as we rode
off. "Who would ever have supposed
that I should live to list up
assets of that sort. I shan't
know what to do with them; unless
I raffle them off. How many of
them are there, Sandy?"
"Seven, please
you, sir, and their squires."
"It is a good
haul. Who are they? Where do
they hang out?"
"Where do they
hang out?"
"Yes, where
do they live?"
"Ah, I understood thee not.
That will I tell eftsoons." Then
she said musingly, and softly,
turning the words daintily over
her tongue: "Hang they out --
hang they out -- where hang --
where do they hang out; eh, right
so; where do they hang out. Of
a truth the phrase hath a fair
and winsome grace, and is prettily
worded withal. I will repeat
it anon and anon in mine idlesse,
whereby I may peradventure learn
it. Where do they hang out. Even
so! already it falleth trippingly
from my tongue, and forasmuch
as --"
"Don't forget
the cowboys, Sandy."
"Cowboys?"
"Yes; the knights,
you know: You were going to
tell me about
them. A while back, you remember.
Figuratively speaking, game's
called."
"Game --"
"Yes, yes,
yes! Go to the bat. I mean,
get to work on your statistics,
and don't burn so much kindling
getting your fire started. Tell
me about the knights."
"I will well,
and lightly will begin. So
they two departed and
rode into a great forest. And
--"
"Great Scott!"
You see, I recognized my mistake
at once. I had set her works
a-going; it was my own fault;
she would be thirty days getting
down to those facts. And she
generally began without a preface
and finished without a result.
If you interrupted her she would
either go right along without
noticing, or answer with a couple
of words, and go back and say
the sentence over again. So,
interruptions only did harm;
and yet I had to interrupt, and
interrupt pretty frequently,
too, in order to save my life;
a person would die if he let
her monotony drip on him right
along all day.
"Great Scott! " I
said in my distress. She went
right back
and began over again:
"So they two
departed and rode into a great
forest. And --"
"WHICH two?"
"Sir Gawaine
and Sir Uwaine. And so they
came to an abbey
of monks, and there were well
lodged. So on the morn they heard
their masses in the abbey, and
so they rode forth till they
came to a great forest; then
was Sir Gawaine ware in a valley
by a turret, of twelve fair damsels,
and two knights armed on great
horses, and the damsels went
to and fro by a tree. And then
was Sir Gawaine ware how there
hung a white shield on that tree,
and ever as the damsels came
by it they spit upon it, and
some threw mire upon the shield
--"
"Now, if I
hadn't seen the like myself
in this country,
Sandy, I wouldn't believe it.
But I've seen it, and I can just
see those creatures now, parading
before that shield and acting
like that. The women here do
certainly act like all possessed.
Yes, and I mean your best, too,
society's very choicest brands.
The humblest hello-girl along
ten thousand miles of wire could
teach gentleness, patience, modesty,
manners, to the highest duchess
in Arthur's land."
"Hello-girl?"
"Yes, but don't
you ask me to explain; it's
a new kind of
a girl; they don't have them
here; one often speaks sharply
to them when they are not the
least in fault, and he can't
get over feeling sorry for it
and ashamed of himself in thirteen
hundred years, it's such shabby
mean conduct and so unprovoked;
the fact is, no gentleman ever
does it -- though I -- well,
I myself, if I've got to confess
--"
"Peradventure
she --"
"Never mind
her; never mind her; I tell
you I couldn't ever
explain her so you would understand."
"Even so be
it, sith ye are so minded.
Then Sir Gawaine and
Sir Uwaine went and saluted them,
and asked them why they did that
despite to the shield. Sirs,
said the damsels, we shall tell
you. There is a knight in this
country that owneth this white
shield, and he is a passing good
man of his hands, but he hateth
all ladies and gentlewomen, and
therefore we do all this despite
to the shield. I will say you,
said Sir Gawaine, it beseemeth
evil a good knight to despise
all ladies and gentlewomen, and
peradventure though he hate you
he hath some cause, and peradventure
he loveth in some other places
ladies and gentlewomen, and to
be loved again, and he such a
man of prowess as ye speak of
--"
"Man of prowess
-- yes, that is the man to
please them, Sandy.
Man of brains -- that is a thing
they never think of. Tom Sayers
-- John Heenan -- John L. Sullivan
-- pity but you could be here.
You would have your legs under
the Round Table and a 'Sir' in
front of your names within the
twenty-four hours; and you could
bring about a new distribution
of the married princesses and
duchesses of the Court in another
twenty-four. The fact is, it
is just a sort of polished-up
court of Comanches, and there
isn't a squaw in it who doesn't
stand ready at the dropping of
a hat to desert to the buck with
the biggest string of scalps
at his belt."
"-- and he
be such a man of prowess as
ye speak of, said
Sir Gawaine. Now, what is his
name? Sir, said they, his name
is Marhaus the king's son of
Ireland."
"Son of the
king of Ireland, you mean;
the other form doesn't
mean anything. And look out and
hold on tight, now, we must jump
this gully.... There, we are
all right now. This horse belongs
in the circus; he is born before
his time."
"I know him
well, said Sir Uwaine, he is
a passing good
knight as any is on live."
"ON LIVE. If
you've got a fault in the world,
Sandy, it is that
you are a shade too archaic.
But it isn't any matter."
"-- for I saw
him once proved at a justs
where many knights
were gathered, and that time
there might no man withstand
him. Ah, said Sir Gawaine, damsels,
methinketh ye are to blame, for
it is to suppose he that hung
that shield there will not be
long therefrom, and then may
those knights match him on horseback,
and that is more your worship
than thus; for I will abide no
longer to see a knight's shield
dishonored. And therewith Sir
Uwaine and Sir Gawaine departed
a little from them, and then
were they ware where Sir Marhaus
came riding on a great horse
straight toward them. And when
the twelve damsels saw Sir Marhaus
they fled into the turret as
they were wild, so that some
of them fell by the way. Then
the one of the knights of the
tower dressed his shield, and
said on high, Sir Marhaus defend
thee. And so they ran together
that the knight brake his spear
on Marhaus, and Sir Marhaus smote
him so hard that he brake his
neck and the horse's back --"
"Well, that
is just the trouble about this
state of things, it
ruins so many horses."
"That saw the
other knight of the turret,
and dressed him
toward Marhaus, and they went
so eagerly together, that the
knight of the turret was soon
smitten down, horse and man,
stark dead --"
"ANOTHER horse
gone; I tell you it is a custom
that ought
to be broken up. I don't see
how people with any feeling can
applaud and support it."
....
"So these two
knights came together with
great random --"
I saw that I had been asleep
and missed a chapter, but I didn't
say anything. I judged that the
Irish knight was in trouble with
the visitors by this time, and
this turned out to be the case.
"-- that Sir
Uwaine smote Sir Marhaus that
his spear brast
in pieces on the shield, and
Sir Marhaus smote him so sore
that horse and man he bare to
the earth, and hurt Sir Uwaine
on the left side --
"The truth
is, Alisande, these archaics
are a little TOO simple;
the vocabulary is too limited,
and so, by consequence, descriptions
suffer in the matter of variety;
they run too much to level Saharas
of fact, and not enough to picturesque
detail; this throws about them
a certain air of the monotonous;
in fact the fights are all alike:
a couple of people come together
with great random -- random is
a good word, and so is exegesis,
for that matter, and so is holocaust,
and defalcation, and usufruct
and a hundred others, but land!
a body ought to discriminate
-- they come together with great
random, and a spear is brast,
and one party brake his shield
and the other one goes down,
horse and man, over his horse-tail
and brake his neck, and then
the next candidate comes randoming
in, and brast HIS spear, and
the other man brast his shield,
and down HE goes, horse and man,
over his horse-tail, and brake
HIS neck, and then there's another
elected, and another and another
and still another, till the material
is all used up; and when you
come to figure up results, you
can't tell one fight from another,
nor who whipped; and as a PICTURE,
of living, raging, roaring battle,
sho! why, it's pale and noiseless
-- just ghosts scuffling in a
fog. Dear me, what would this
barren vocabulary get out of
the mightiest spectacle? -- the
burning of Rome in Nero's time,
for instance? Why, it would merely
say, 'Town burned down; no insurance;
boy brast a window, fireman brake
his neck!' Why, THAT ain't a
picture!"
It was a good deal of a lecture,
I thought, but it didn't disturb
Sandy, didn't turn a feather;
her steam soared steadily up
again, the minute I took off
the lid:
"Then Sir Marhaus
turned his horse and rode toward
Gawaine
with his spear. And when Sir
Gawaine saw that, he dressed
his shield, and they aventred
their spears, and they came together
with all the might of their horses,
that either knight smote other
so hard in the midst of their
shields, but Sir Gawaine's spear
brake --"
"I knew it
would."
-- "but Sir
Marhaus's spear held; and therewith
Sir Gawaine
and his horse rushed down to
the earth --"
"Just so --
and brake his back."
-- "and lightly
Sir Gawaine rose upon his feet
and pulled
out his sword, and dressed him
toward Sir Marhaus on foot, and
therewith either came unto other
eagerly, and smote together with
their swords, that their shields
flew in cantels, and they bruised
their helms and their hauberks,
and wounded either other. But
Sir Gawaine, fro it passed nine
of the clock, waxed by the space
of three hours ever stronger
and stronger. and thrice his
might was increased. All this
espied Sir Marhaus, and had great
wonder how his might increased,
and so they wounded other passing
sore; and then when it was come
noon --"
The pelting sing-song of it
carried me forward to scenes
and sounds of my boyhood days:
"N-e-e-ew Haven!
ten minutes for refreshments
-- knductr'll
strike the gong-bell two minutes
before train leaves -- passengers
for the Shore line please take
seats in the rear k'yar, this
k'yar don't go no furder -- AHH
- pls, AW-rnjz, b'NANners, S-A-N-D'ches,
p--OP-corn!"
-- "and waxed
past noon and drew toward evensong.
Sir Gawaine's
strength feebled and waxed passing
faint, that unnethes he might
dure any longer, and Sir Marhaus
was then bigger and bigger --"
"Which strained
his armor, of course; and yet
little would
one of these people mind a small
thing like that."
-- "and so,
Sir Knight, said Sir Marhaus,
I have well felt
that ye are a passing good knight,
and a marvelous man of might
as ever I felt any, while it
lasteth, and our quarrels are
not great, and therefore it were
a pity to do you hurt, for I
feel you are passing feeble.
Ah, said Sir Gawaine, gentle
knight, ye say the word that
I should say. And therewith they
took off their helms and either
kissed other, and there they
swore together either to love
other as brethren --"
But I lost the thread there,
and dozed off to slumber, thinking
about what a pity it was that
men with such superb strength
-- strength enabling them to
stand up cased in cruelly burdensome
iron and drenched with perspiration,
and hack and batter and bang
each other for six hours on a
stretch -- should not have been
born at a time when they could
put it to some useful purpose.
Take a jackass, for instance:
a jackass has that kind of strength,
and puts it to a useful purpose,
and is valuable to this world
because he is a jackass; but
a nobleman is not valuable because
he is a jackass. It is a mixture
that is always ineffectual, and
should never have been attempted
in the first place. And yet,
once you start a mistake, the
trouble is done and you never
know what is going to come of
it.
When I came to myself again
and began to listen, I perceived
that I had lost another chapter,
and that Alisande had wandered
a long way off with her people.
"And so they
rode and came into a deep valley
full of stones,
and thereby they saw a fair stream
of water; above thereby was the
head of the stream, a fair fountain,
and three damsels sitting thereby.
In this country, said Sir Marhaus,
came never knight since it was
christened, but he found strange
adventures --"
"This is not
good form, Alisande. Sir Marhaus
the king's son of
Ireland talks like all the rest;
you ought to give him a brogue,
or at least a characteristic
expletive; by this means one
would recognize him as soon as
he spoke, without his ever being
named. It is a common literary
device with the great authors.
You should make him say, 'In
this country, be jabers, came
never knight since it was christened,
but he found strange adventures,
be jabers.' You see how much
better that sounds."
-- "came never
knight but he found strange
adventures, be
jabers. Of a truth it doth indeed,
fair lord, albeit 'tis passing
hard to say, though peradventure
that will not tarry but better
speed with usage. And then they
rode to the damsels, and either
saluted other, and the eldest
had a garland of gold about her
head, and she was threescore
winter of age or more --"
"The DAMSEL
was?"
"Even so, dear
lord -- and her hair was white
under the
garland --"
"Celluloid
teeth, nine dollars a set,
as like as not -- the
loose-fit kind, that go up and
down like a portcullis when you
eat, and fall out when you laugh."
"The second
damsel was of thirty winter
of age, with a circlet
of gold about her head. The third
damsel was but fifteen year of
age --"
Billows of thought came rolling
over my soul, and the voice faded
out of my hearing!
Fifteen! Break
-- my heart! oh, my lost darling!
Just her
age who was so gentle, and lovely,
and all the world to me, and
whom I shall never see again!
How the thought of her carries
me back over wide seas of memory
to a vague dim time, a happy
time, so many, many centuries
hence, when I used to wake in
the soft summer mornings, out
of sweet dreams of her, and say "Hello,
Central!" just to hear her dear
voice come melting back to me
with a "Hello, Hank!" that was
music of the spheres to my enchanted
ear. She got three dollars a
week, but she was worth it.
I could not follow Alisande's
further explanation of who our
captured knights were, now --
I mean in case she should ever
get to explaining who they were.
My interest was gone, my thoughts
were far away, and sad. By fitful
glimpses of the drifting tale,
caught here and there and now
and then, I merely noted in a
vague way that each of these
three knights took one of these
three damsels up behind him on
his horse, and one rode north,
another east, the other south,
to seek adventures, and meet
again and lie, after year and
day. Year and day -- and without
baggage. It was of a piece with
the general simplicity of the
country.
The sun was now setting. It
was about three in the afternoon
when Alisande had begun to tell
me who the cowboys were; so she
had made pretty good progress
with it -- for her. She would
arrive some time or other, no
doubt, but she was not a person
who could be hurried.
We were approaching a castle
which stood on high ground; a
huge, strong, venerable structure,
whose gray towers and battlements
were charmingly draped with ivy,
and whose whole majestic mass
was drenched with splendors flung
from the sinking sun. It was
the largest castle we had seen,
and so I thought it might be
the one we were after, but Sandy
said no. She did not know who
owned it; she said she had passed
it without calling, when she
went down to Camelot. |